


What Makes the World Turn (Spine)

by Neva_Borne



Series: Zutara Drabble December [13]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aangst, Angst, Bloodbending, Death, Destiny, Drabble, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friend Soulmates, Loss, Love, Mostly Zutara, One Shot, Sorta ends with it?, Soulmates, Starts with Kataang, This really got away from me, ZK Drabble December, Zutara, fluffy zutara, friends - Freeform, honestly, kataangst, where do I start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28061007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neva_Borne/pseuds/Neva_Borne
Summary: Katara can't stand it anymore, and leaves to visit an old friend.
Relationships: Aang & Katara (Avatar), Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Zutara Drabble December [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035657
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56
Collections: ZK Drabble December 2020





	What Makes the World Turn (Spine)

It was a year after the war when Aang started having issues with his back, complaining of pain and stiffness that no number of healing sessions ever seemed to ease. Katara couldn’t find anything wrong, even insisting that they visit Yugoda in the North Pole to see if the expert healer could detect something.

Nothing.

The pain made Aang irritable, and the problems that were already pushing at the boundaries of their relationship seemed to grow much larger in its presence. 

Katara didn’t feel like an equal to Aang, didn’t feel like a partner to him. He was busy spending time with the Air Acolytes, the fan clubs, the Avatar worshippers all over the world who held their breath as he told the story of how he had defeated Ozai.

No one seemed to even notice her, the girl who had defeated Azula, who had saved both Aang and Zuko’s lives, who had kept their family together through the year they prepared for the comet. Nobody wanted to hear _her_ story, and Aang was too engrossed in his new friends to even think to bring her into the conversation. 

He started blaming her for his pain, yelling at her when her healing touch did nothing for the ache in his spine, and his words stung, bringing tears to her eyes.

Until one day they didn’t. She was numb to his words, to his abuse, and she was done. Without any words of her own, she slowly stood up from the bed where Aang was bemoaning his condition and left the room. Down the hall, through the kitchen, and out the front door. Onwards into the lamplit streets of the city until she came to a halt.

Her feet had carried her all the way to the harbor. Ships from all three remaining nations were anchored offshore, bobbing gently as the soft waves of the ocean lapped at the shore. It had taken some getting used to, seeing the grey steel of the Fire Nation ships docked on foreign harbors without the intent to cause chaos and disruption. 

The sight gave way to memories. Memories of someone else she had healed, someone whose injury had been caused by the same lightning that had caused Aang’s. Someone who had saved _her_ from its electrifying fury. Someone who, despite being in great pain, had never complained, had instead told her it was unnecessary, that he was fine. Someone who had stood beside her as the comet disappeared overhead and Azula’s screams faded into heart-wrenching sobs. 

Someone who didn’t treat her like an accessory when he felt it was convenient. 

Her feet moved forward again, into the edge of the harbor where the sand met the sea, and she lifted her arms, letting the water rise up and carry her towards one of the ships.

\---

She sent a single letter back to the Earth Kingdom town where she and Aang had been staying, but only once the ship had left the harbor far behind. She didn’t want Aang to follow her, didn’t want him to plead and beg for her to stay. She wanted it to be clean.

The letter was blunt, but not cruel. She didn’t tell him where she was going, only why she had left and that she would not be returning. 

She never got a reply. The messenger hawk returned with nothing.

She wasn’t really surprised.

\---

She didn’t tell him she was coming, so when she arrived in Caldera City, the place was quiet. Dockworkers and merchants milled about, mixing with the common people going about their day. It was just another work day.

Nobody expected the visitor from the Water Tribe.

The guards at the palace gate refused to let her in, their brown and amber eyes watching her suspiciously, and she knew they didn’t trust her. Not that she could blame them - their job was to protect the palace and the Fire Lord from attacks, and she was clearly not a citizen of the Fire Nation.

Still, it hurt to not be recognized as who she was, even here, and she debated freezing the men to the gate and forcing her way in, weighing the pros of getting to bash some heads in over the cons of having the entire Fire Nation Royal Guard come crashing down on her before she could make it to see the inside of the foyer.

She was still debating when she heard her name from beyond the gate, called out in a familiar voice.

She smiled. “Iroh.”

The old man bustled forward, a grin splitting his round face. “Katara, my dear! How are you?” He beamed, then waved impatiently at the two gate guards. “Oh, let her in, you numbskulls. Don’t you know who she is?”

The guards frowned at each other, answering Iroh’s question with their confusion, but opened the gate at the command of their Fire Lord’s uncle.

Katara moved forward and embraced Iroh, glad both to see him and that he had solved her dilemma without even being aware of it.

“Well,” Iroh chuckled as Katara finally released him. “I’m honored to be shown such affection, but I’m sure it is not me that you have come here to see.”

Katara smiled, hiding a flush, and shook her head. “No, you’re right. But it is still good to see you.”

Iroh laughed. “Come on, I’ll take you to him. Is young Aang with you?”

She avoided his gaze. “No, I came alone this time.”

“Ah, that explains why you didn’t just fly into the courtyard on Appa.”

She nodded, remembering her and Aang’s occasional visits to the Fire Nation. Zuko had always made time for them, despite his busy schedule, though they had always given him advance notice.

She didn’t expect Zuko to drop anything at her arrival this time, with no notice and no Avatar to entertain. She didn’t want him to, either.

She wasn’t sure what she wanted. Only that she had needed to get away from Aang and Zuko was the only person she could think of to go to.

Iroh led her inside the palace, prattling on about his new tea shop in the city; he’d decided to stay in the Fire Nation after all, since Zuko was so young and the world still so unstable, but he hadn’t abandoned his love of tea and serving tea. Business was booming, apparently, and Katara smiled at the old man’s enthusiasm for his craft. 

For such a deadly firebender and military general, he really didn’t look it.

They stopped outside a heavy wooden door that Katara recognized as Zuko’s study. Iroh gave her a knowing smile and retreated with a wave, muttering about some business or other.

Katara raised a hand and knocked.

“Come in.”

He sounded tired, and, as she pushed the door open to reveal him half-buried in a stack of papers, the fire flickering in the grate behind him, she could see the lines on his face, the dark circles beneath his eyes.

“If you’re here to summon me to dinner, tell my uncle I can’t join him tonight.” He sighed, not even glancing up.

“I’m not.”

He froze, his brush still laden with ink as it hovered over the scroll he was busied with, and slowly, so slowly, looked up.

“Katara?”

She made a show of examining herself. “Yes, I think so.” 

Zuko straightened slightly. A blob of ink fell from his brush onto the scroll, unnoticed by him. “Is… Where’s Aang? I didn’t know you were coming, I-”

“I’m not with Aang.” She said, answering his question but also laying out the reason for her visit. It felt good to say it outloud, to finally admit it to someone other than herself and the piece of paper that she had written it down on and sent to him. 

He studied her for a moment, as if processing this. Then he stood, placing his brush back in the pot of ink, and approached her. 

“You mean, he didn’t come with you to visit, or…” His raspy voice sounded hesitant, unsure.

“I mean I’m not with him.” She repeated, meeting his burning gaze. “We aren’t together. I came alone.”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry, and Katara waved his apology away.

“Don’t be.”

“Why are you here, then?” 

She swallowed. She wasn’t sure.

“You were the only person I thought would understand.”

His smile was soft, just like she remembered, as he gently took her hand. “Then let’s have dinner, and you can tell me everything.”

\---

A week later, and they had fallen into an easy routine, almost like they were back on Ember Island again, except they had no Toph or Aang or Sokka to keep their eye on, to train, no comet threatening the existence of the world as they knew it. Zuko had council meetings to attend and Fire Sages to deal with, paperwork to sign and ceremonies to preside over, but the weariness that had been etched onto his face when Katara had first arrived had all but disappeared.

She felt safe, appreciated. Zuko would often confide in her over their meals, their long walks through the gardens that he had meticulously replanted over the past year in honor of his mother, over tea and picnics by the turtleduck pond. The fuzzy little turtleducks that paddled effortlessly in the pond and waddled adorably on land swiftly became her second favorite thing about the Fire Nation.

She tried not to think about her first favorite thing too often. She tried not to think about the way his smile made her heart race, the way she ached to brush loose strands of hair from his face when they fell haphazardly from his topknot, the way she felt when he settled his bright golden eyes on her.

Their routine was safe. Their friendship was strong, and it was comforting in the wake of leaving Aang and the life she had led for near two years behind. She didn’t want to disrupt that.

And yet, the absence of a certain person in the palace weighed on her until she finally felt brave enough to broach the subject as they tossed seeds towards the turtleducks and watched them dip their heads inside the water to eat them.

“Where’s Mai?”

He paused, his hand stilling. “Gone.” He said finally. “She left.”

Her heart is beating so loudly she can hardly hear herself speak. “When?”

“After the last time you visited.” 

“I’m sorry.” She said, trying her best to sound sincere.

“Don’t be.” He smiled softly at her, and she looked away before the red flush could show on her cheeks.

\---

It was another week before he kissed her. He was hesitant, unsure, and he retreated so fast Katara was afraid he regretted what he’d done, but when she pulled him back into her, and he reacted enthusiastically, she felt a swell of joy that she had never felt kissing anyone else before.

They kissed a lot after that, stealing moments between his meetings, in the gardens when they were alone. They strolled hand-in-hand along the corridors of the palace in the middle of the night, looking out at the moonlit landscape as they leaned against balconies and whispered things to each other that they’d never had the nerve or opportunity to say before.

\---

It was a year before she heard from Aang. His silence had been unexpected, if not unwelcome, but she had been glad that he hadn’t tried to win her back by following her or writing her letters. It had given her time to heal, to remember the boy he had once been, the boy she cared about. Loved, even, though not in the way he loved her.

But the arrival of the letter carried with it a sense of dread that landed heavily on her shoulders as the messenger hawk landed on her desk. She knew he must have heard where she was by now, heard the rumors about her and Zuko. They hadn’t made any official announcements yet. Officially, if questioned, she was there as an advisor. 

She unfurled the scroll, her eyes flitting over the characters drawn in an unfamiliar, untidy scrawl. Her heart constricted in her chest, guilt gnawing at her insides. 

Wordlessly, she looked up at Zuko, offering him the scroll to read in turn. She watched his eyes flash, his pale face go paler.

They left the next day, on some new boat that was smaller and faster than the great warships and cargo ships that had dominated the seas for years. Iroh knew of their mission, but the rest of the Fire Nation was none the wiser to their departure.

It was best that the world didn’t know.

\---

Healing had done nothing when Katara was with him, and it did nothing now. No medicine, no waterbending healing, not even a surgery proposed by the more daring of the physicians that they had gathered from around the world, could fix Aang’s body. The damage to his spine, caused, they thought, by Azula’s lightning and his fight with Ozai, was permanent.

The Avatar was paralyzed.

Katara cried. Out of guilt, out of shame, out of helplessness, out of pain for her friend whom she loved, she didn’t know. 

She’d always known the world was unfair, but that was when she lived during a war. Now the war was over, and the world was just as cruel, just as unjustified in its punishments of good people.

The girl, one of the ones from the village where they had been living together so long ago, cried too, but she cried because she was in love with him, and he was dying.

They sent for the other members of their family immediately. Appa, intelligent as ever, knew where to go and who to collect, and within days, Team Avatar had been reunited. 

If only it were under happier circumstances than saying their goodbyes.

\---

Aang had one request of her. It was a request that sent chills down her spine and tears burning in her eyes, but she nodded at his whispered words.

That night, as the moon rose high and full against the black sky, she placed her hand on the monk’s bare chest, felt his heart beating, strong despite his condition. Her blue eyes rose to meet his grey and she did her best to keep her lip from wobbling.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Katara,” the boy said. “I’m sure.”

And she nodded, leaning forward and pressing her lips to the bright blue tattoo on his forehead. “I’ll always love you, Aang.” 

He smiled weakly. “It’s okay that you love him, you know.” 

She blinked, a tear managing to escape from her lashes and trickle down her cheek.

“I see the way you look at him.” He continued. “And the way he looks at you. I thought I’d be angry, when you left. But… it’s okay. I’m glad you have someone like him.”

The tears fell freely then. “Thanks, Aang.” 

The guilt wasn’t gone, but she felt lighter knowing that he didn’t resent her for leaving. Still, her hands shook as she prepared herself for what she was about to do.

“I’ll see you around, then?” The boy smiled.

She nodded. “I’ll see you around.”

She felt his heartbeat, steady, solid. She felt it pulse in her hands as she took it under her control, slowly easing the rhythm down, slower and slower, sensing his body’s reaction as it became dangerously slow. She watched his eyelids droop, his grey eyes grow duller as the blood circulating in his veins stagnated, as he fell into a peaceful, painless sleep. 

Her eyes were blurred with too many tears to see when she finally stilled her hands, and she felt no heartbeat beneath her fingers, no pulsing of life through his veins. 

Her own heart broke, and she collapsed against the wall, her sobs echoing off the stone until everyone else in the house came to see what had happened.

\---

The Avatar was dead.

The boy, not quite sixteen, had died peacefully in his home, surrounded by his loved ones, after an injury had left him paralyzed and vulnerable to illness. 

That’s what the headlines said, as the news traveled across the world. People mourned the loss of the Avatar who had finally reappeared and ended the war, but the little family who had been with him when he died mourned the boy he had been and the joy that he had carried with him.

And Katara mourned most of all.

\---

It was several days before she had the strength to confess what she had done to Zuko, and she was terrified that he would hate her, turn against her, think her despicable. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and let her cry until she had no more tears to shed, his warm hands stroking her hair, his cheek pressed against the top of her head.

She never told the others, knowing how they felt about the darker side of her bending, how they felt about death. They would never understand, maybe not even believe that it had been Aang’s request. Aang hadn’t understood at first, but he had in the end. The others, untouched by the pain necessary to understand, would not.

\---

As the years passed, as Sokka and Suki got married, as she and Zuko got married, as children became a reality instead of a dream for the future, Katara would sometimes pause and think about Aang, about the boy who had saved the world. He had given his life to win the war, however delayed his death had been. He had loved her, and she had loved him, too. 

She wondered, sometimes, what her life would be like if she had stayed, if she hadn’t left that day. She wondered if she might have found a cure, if Aang might have survived. But wondering about the _what ifs_ just made her sad, and she had so much to be happy about in the life she had chosen.

Zuko was a doting father, completely enamored with the three children she had borne him, and she loved him so fiercely for all that he was, for all that he had overcome and endured. And whenever he looked at her, his soft golden eyes sparkling with that gentle expression he had only for her, her heart melted, and she would brush the locks of hair that had fallen out of his topknot as he wrestled with their children out of his face and press her lips to his.

Whatever had happened, however they got here, she knew it had been inevitable. The fates had been pushing them together ever since their first encounter in the South Pole. And as the years passed, the hurt faded. The memories of the vibrant airbending boy faded with it, and she thought less and less about the boy with the broken spine whose last breath she had held in her hands, and more and more about what the future held.

\---

When she first met Korra, a Water Tribe girl aged only ten, she felt a strange tug of familiarity towards the girl. She was a waterbender, and a good one, but something in her eyes hinted that she held knowledge that ran much deeper, much older than she was. 

“Hey Katara.”

She smiled, turning around to face the voice.

“Told you I’d see you around.” 

**Author's Note:**

> WOW. So, this started as a drabble and ended up as something much, much bigger. I have no idea where this came from, only that I am mildly in love with it (in a non-weird, non-narcissistic way).  
> Also, is "Kataangst" a thing? Because it definitely belongs as a tag in this story.


End file.
